Bigger IS Better

While it seems that I have abruptly made my discovery yesterday, it also, seems that time is dragging, that I should be doing more, that I am getting hung up in a process where I have no say, that I am not doing enough.B This is not the case.B I know this. My personality is that of a doer, make a Plan A and have Plan B waiting, implement said Plan and be done.B This Cancer, is not an Easy Peasy thing.B While I feel this sense of urgency, to rid my body of the poison, there are still steps that must be taken before Morte can be removed.
Why, yes, I have named the invading mass, Morte!! And, no before you ask, I can’t keep it once it’s out, not that I would really want to. I don’t understand why people want to keep things removed from their bodies, they asked me the same thing when I had my wisdom teeth removed.B Umm, NO! These things caused me pain & aggravation, I don’t want them!!
Sooo, Tuesday was the appointment with the Surgeon, Dr. Quack, well… Dr. Q for short.B After having a rather interesting phone conversation with her, I was a little freaked, hence the name.B I do think she is aB smart woman and does know her stuff, yet the name sticks.B I had spoken to her on the phone last week.B And, was able to ask some questions, get freaked by some of her information and become more confused.B I knew from dealing with all Doctors around getting H diagnosed, that sometimes they forget this is your first time at the Rodeo, that they see this every day and they assume things.B I made sure to write things down as she said them, to ask her questions and to tell her STOP when she was going to fast.B And, I “may” have scoffed a bit when she suggested that I might want a mastectomy coz it was the fashionable thing to do, after all that is what all the Stars are doing.B Ummm, HELLZ NO!! I don’t care what anyone else is doing, I want to do what is best for me and only me.B I want you to thoroughly examine my records, discuss options that pertain to my treatment and not tell me what is best for the average person.B Yes, I know I am a statistic, don’t make me feel like one!!
I have to admit, I was fine heading to the appointment, I went by myself.B Then I got there was handed the stacks of paperwork to fill out and broke out into a cold sweat.B All of the sudden, I was there, I was struggling to remember how to spell my name and trying to remember all my medical history.B I turned to twitter. I looked to my friends for virtual hand holding.B They were there.B My phone started buzzing off the hook, tweets, dm’s and texts.B My total bestie, Kelly, even sent me a video.B The giggles that ensued started to relax me, calm me down.
I was prepared for this appointment.B I had my notebook in hand.B Questions all laid out.B Did I have to remove my nail polish? No! Did I get good drugs? Yes.B Could I still go to Chicago in 2 weeks? Probably. Priorities, people, ask the important ones first.B Joking aside, thanks to another amazing friend, I was able to have a conversation with one of the top breast surgeons before my appointment and she (took an hour from her family on a Sunday) gave me the questions to ask and why I was asking them. And ask them I did.

Total clash with the Ginger & PAPER!!

Sooo, the nitty gritty…. I’m special! I kno, y’all know that… yet, even more proof!! With no family history of breast cancer and being under 40 this puts me in a small class.B There are some advantages of this, of course, better survival rate and the cancer isn’t genetic.B Also, more than likely I will just have to take some pills for the next several months to make sure it doesn’t come back.B No radiation and no chemo.B Altho, that could change after I see the two oncologists about 3 weeks from now.B Now for the rub, I am not really well endowed, something that I have been ok with.B I’m not a big girl, I have finally accepted this.B Not that I haven’t given up hope of growing two inches to the glorious height of 5’6″ rather than my meager 5’4 & 1/2… that being said, Morte is rather large and occupying significant space in my left breast.B And is not that perfect round mass, no, more oblong shaped with fingers, like a spider (shudder).B That combined with my size, it was probable heading into Dr. Q’s I would need a mastectomy ( Yea!! New Bewbs) and increased recovery time ( Boo).B I really wanted to avoid that.B Not coz I’m uber attached to my left bewb but coz I want this to be easy, err. easier.B Soo, the good news, Dr. Q thinks she can get it all with just what they call a partial mastectomy.B Now, before you get all teared up…B just know it’s really a lumpectomy but as is the way with the government and smarty-pants doctors there are guidelines and details for how everything is labeled.B My label is Stage 2 (Ohh, an upgrade) breast cancer with a partial mastectomy( They base this on size, not my size, Morte’s size).B I’m not really good with being labeled, so I’m just going with Morte has got to go!!
After hours and hours at Dr. Q’s ( I only had to wear the horrid, clashing pink paper for a little bit), consulting with her, the surgery scheduler lady, my own personal surgery concierge, giving blood and other assorted tests, Surgery will be Monday.B It’s going to be an all day kinda thing. They already told me I couldn’t bring my laptop or my Ipad but I will have some time that I can have my phone to tweet before they put me under.B B They have to run some tests and inject some dye before the surgery which is why it’s going to take so looooooong.B Also, I can’t have any coffee, at all, NONE!!
Proof positive I have a heart!!

Soooo, I will be getting a mani/pedi this weekend, I went yesterday and got a new lip gloss and even a new outfit to wear.B New lip gloss always adds a little shimmer to everyone’s day!!B I’m cutting back on the coffee so that I don’t get the raging headache on top of the drug hangover and bewb pain. I have promised Liz to be totally uncomplicated next week so that I get cleared to travel.B My kids are prepped to cater to my every whim or call 911 and I have lots and lots of pain medication.B And, I have the most wonderful amazing friends that love me and will be cheering me on in various ways.B I think I’m set.

33 thoughts on “Bigger IS Better

  1. Brandie Wow…I have such admiration for you right now! Thank you for sharing so much of you! We live and learn from friends like you.
    You will be in my prayers Monday! Please have someone Tweet us an update as soon as they can.
    We love you girl! oxox

    1. Thank you, Jeannette! I don’t know about learning from me, hopefully, less afraid, tho!! And, yes… either I will be tweeting Monday or someone else will be. Altho, It is going to be a long day where I’m silent. So don’t be worried.

  2. While I have not had a lumpectomy,I have had several of Morte’s cousins removed from several different parts of my body. I did not name them because I didn’t want to get too attached. They already think they were invited to stay so I am trying my best to discourage future visits by eating and doing healthy things. Of course that changes after every Dr. Oz show or Good Morning America. I can relate to the nerves before the surgery. It isn’t easy. All of a sudden my brain became in charge of freaking me out on a minute by minute basis. The good news? It’s never as bad as you ever thought it would be because as long as you ask they will take care of the pain. Just make sure you and the pain specialist are on the same page. In my case that was a whole new doctor but that may not be true for you. I know people tell you over and over everything will be fine. Believe it or not, which I’m guessing you won’t, it will be fine. You are already so strong. Even those little girl parts of yourself that are quaking in their slippers wishing someone would just come and take it all away, are stronger than they ever imagined. Wishing you a very speedy recovery and remember, healing is not a race ; )

    1. Thank you!! I really felt Morte needed to be named, I really was tired of saying “mass” or “lump” and people getting rather uncomfortable with what to say or how to say it. I want people to be comfortable and at ease, to know it’s ok to talk about. Ohhh, thanks for reminding me, I think I will wear my slippers on Monday so my little tootsies don’t get cold!!

  3. Wow, thanks for taking us on your journey and letting us see more of you. In awe of you! Keeping you in my thoughts, and I stand by ready if I can make a store run for some vanilla pudding mix for your visit.

    1. Thank you so much, Anne. It’s quite the journey and I’m sooo happy that everyone is so supportive and doesn’t mind all the little details!!

  4. Um, no coffee? That’s one of the saddest parts of this ordeal. Kudos to you for putting this all out there and sharing with those of us who are concerned and care.

    1. I coffee is just plain cruel!! And, I can’t have any til the next day!! I’ve already started the weaning off period. It’s really making my weekend sad!! Luckily, I have that mani/pedi to look forward too otherwise, I would be thoroughly traumatized!!

  5. Brandie, I want you to know that you are in my heart and prayers — and will be until you are on the other side of this illness you are defeating with a terrific mindset and humor. You will do very well through surgery because of it. I know you know that we are all here for you and love you so much. While we are not best friends yet, all you have said has me waiting in line to become one. Many blessings to you! Love, Libby xxoo

    1. *sigh* I know…that will be the hardest thing ever!! I can give up one or the other but both at the same time, it’s terrible!! Oh, well…

  6. Little late on commenting:)
    I’m here for you. Just a skype and a tweet away
    You take personal branding to new heights or lows:)
    Great attitude.

    1. Thank you, Nick!! Yes, I’ll be looking for you on skype!!

  7. So, do you want us to drink more coffee to make up for you not having any? Or abstain in solidarity? We’re here for you!

    1. Ohh, please don’t abstain, it hurts me to think of all the coffee addicts out there neglecting the need for Coffee!! I’m all good… mostly. I’m sure I’ll be sobbing quietly over my coffee pot around 6 a.m. tomorrow 😉 And, how much more crazy can I get??

  8. Brandie darling I’m just coming up to speed on all this and I have to say I love your Take No Prisoners attitude. Morte be damned! I’ll be praying for your speedy recovery and hope I can see you when you’re in Chicago. XOXO, Sima

    1. Thank you so much, Sima!! I am looking forward to Chicago too and hopefully catching you and catching up!!

  9. You’re right, sensei, you’re all set…. I am sending huge cosmic superpower rays of healing your way. I probably forgot to tell you that I’m capable of such things. Anyway, I have to admire your sense of humor and outlook. I’m sure I speak for all of #TWORG when I say we got your back! Xo best wishes

    1. Will these “Superpower Rays” help with my tan? Coz that would be awesome!! Multi-purpose superpowers totally rock!! Thanks so much, Tony! I appreciate it and know the #TWORG is out there!!

      1. I have to be particular in which powers I choose in my arsenal. If something in a bottle can accomplish it, I can’t bring it aboard lol 🙂

  10. I had a lumpectomy a couple of years ago and lived to tell the tale. The worst part may have been the “no coffee” lol!
    Hang in there babe!

    1. Thank you soo much, JC and for all your wonderful support!!

  11. Can’t believe I missed this up until now……Morte somehow managed to give me the slip….
    …which is exactly what you’ll be doing to it tomorrow! I have no doubt that you will be brightening our day with your tweets unfeasibly quickly once it’s all done and dusted. Your army of following friends in support, of course.
    The coffee part though……ouch! 😉
    Much love (and huge #BabyHugs from wee Benjamin!) xo

    1. Thank you, Steve and from Wee Benjamin!! Luv that fresh new baby smell!!

  12. Oh, you brave girl!
    My mom is a TWO time survivor of breast cancer, and my grandma before her kicked cancerbs ass with a mastectomy back in the 70bs with breast cancer was a death sentence. You can do this, you have so many people pulling for you!
    I wasnbt able to find my way here at the day job given the web filters there, but the Animated Woman, whom I follow on Twitter, posted again just now and I did find you. I am going to follow you, and send all the positive thoughts, energy and prayer that I can to you.
    You have the voice of a survivor. Go do it, Sister..Go kick cancerbs ass!

    1. Thank you so much!! I truly appreciate it and the positive thoughts!!

  13. As usual, Brandie, your spunky spirit shines through in all you do. Get well so we can get together again next time I’m in your neck of the woods! Sending prayers and caffeine-withdrawal sympathy your way. 🙂

    1. Thank you!! Luckily, I was able to hit the Caffeine right after surgery with a nice Pepsi!!

  14. Hi Brandie
    I found out about what you are going thro’ via @davidchris. You can beat it girl…I know cos I have been there. I was diagnosed when I was 31. Like you no family history. I had two small children, my son was 1 and my daughter was 4. I had a lumpectomy, radio therapy followed by six months of chemo. Thought I was sorted, but sodding thing came back five years later…not a recurrence, a second primary in the same breast.
    The second time I had to have a mastectomy as the docs were worried it was multi-focal. I also had to go on tamoxifen for a year. However, all that is now a long time ago and although at first diagnosis I was given a 50:50 chance of 10 year survival, that was 24 years ago!! I have had been ‘rebuilt in quite a novel way. They took skin and fat from my buttock to rebuild the breast….gives a whole new meaning to kiss my ass!!!
    Take care and all the best for a speedy recovery.
    Best wishes

    1. Lesley, Thank you and thank you for sharing a piece of your story with me!! I am so happy you are well!!

  15. Brandy, you are amazing. Your kick ass attitude and sense of humor are the best super powers a gal can have. Let’s face it, Wonder Woman has a nice rack, but NOOO sense of humor. You are in my prayers, though honestly, Morte is the one who should be worried. You are gonna be fine. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much, Kim!! Morte is gone, my rack has survived 😉

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